Shoresy Chirps

"If you don't like what I say, don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you."

"You look like you just lost a fight with a cheese grater."

"We're not here to make friends, we're here to win hockey games."

"If you want something done right, you do it yourself."

"Hey, give your balls a tug, you tit fucker!"

"That's the best ass-wash of your life right there, boys."

"Best ass wash of your life."

"Well, piece of shit ... who brought the fuckin' rocket, boys?"

"She's a fuckin' rocket."

"Hey, dibs on digis, boys."

"No, I dibs'd her in warm up, you were throwin' sauce at the blue line. I was dibsing digis."

"A dibs is a dibs is a dibs, buddy. Who gives a shit."

"Well, fuck yeah, buddy."

"Give your balls a tug, you tit fucker!"

"Hey, give your balls a tug, you tit fucker!"

"Well, fuck, boys, I was already down here ripping ass whilst figured I'd rip some reps"

"What the fuck are you looking at, tit fucker?"

"Give your balls a tug."

"Fuck you, Reilly. Fight me, see what happens."

"Three things, I hit you, you hit the pavement, ambulance hits 60."

"Yeah, it's your mom's favorite chirp, too, buddy. Ask her, see what happens."

"Three things, I hit you, you hit the pavement, I fuck your mom again."

"Fuck you, Jonesy. Your mom just liked my Instagram post from two years ago in Puerto Vallarta. Tell her I'll put my swim trunks on for her anytime she likes."

"Fuck you, Reilly. Your mom keeps trying to slip a finger in my bum, but I keep telling her I only let Jonesy's mom do that, you fuckin' loser."

"Fuck your entire fuckin' life, you piece of shit."

"Fuck my entire fuckin' life, if you tit fuckers light a match in here, the whole fuckin' barn's going up. Give your balls a tug."

"Fuck you, Reilly. Fight me, see what happens."

"Three things, I hit you, you hit the pavement, I jerk off on your driver's side door handle."

"Fuck you, Jonesy. Tell your mom to top up the cell phone she bought me so I can FaceTime her late night."

"Gretz is the best player in the history of the show. Give your balls a tug."

"Gretz holds or shares 61 records in the show, you piece of shit. Don't nickel and dime the Great One."

"Suck my Mr. Cockey, you fuckin' loser."

"Fuck you, Jonesy. Tell your mom I drained the bank account she setup for me. Top it up so I can get some fuckin' KFC."

"Fuck you, Jonesy. Your mom loves butt play like I love Haagen-Dazs. Let's get some fuckin' ice cream."

"Toilet was backed up so I had to shit in there, too, tit fuckers."

"Hey, Reilly, I made a oopsy, can you ask your mom to pick up Jonesy's mom on the way over to my place? I double booked them by mistake, you fuckin' loser."

"Look at that fuckin' masterpiece, boys."

"Look at those legs go up and make a complete fuckin' ass out of themselves."

"Holy fuck, would I love to get sticky with her."

"Who brought the fuckin' rocket, boys?"

"But she looks cold. I'll show her my warm front."

"Give your balls a tug, you tit."

"Give your balls a tug, you tit fucker."

"I'm not helping you tit-fuckers or those twats. Give your balls a tug."

"You wanna talk about lines, you fucking loser? I woke up to your mum rippin' dick-dingers off my foreskin, tell her to keep her hands off my scoops."

"Fuck you, Jonesy, I made your mum cum so hard they made a Canadian Heritage Minute out of it and Don McKellar played my dick."

"Fuck you, Reilly. I made your mum so wet, Trudeau deployed a 24-hour infantry unit to stack sand bags around my bed."

"Fuck you both, your lives are so fuckin' pathetic, I ran a charity 15K to raise awareness for it, you fuckin' losers."

"Give your balls a tug."

"Tit-fuckers."

"You two are the silliest twats I've ever met in my whole fuckin' life. I didn't say any of that shit, you dumb broads."

"But I did say your breath could stop a Mack Truck, Betty-Anne, I'll tell that to anyone who will listen."

"Fuck you, Betty-Anne, your breath is an existential crisis, made me question my whole fuckin' life."

"Fuck you, Mary-Anne, you got legs on you like redwoods, you could box-jump a bungalow."

"Fuck you, Reilly, your mum groped me two Halloweens ago, shut the fuck up or I'll take it to Twitter."

"Fuck you, Jonesy, take a look at me, I'm not even a ref, I'm a fuckin' linesman, but you can referee my nuts, you piece of shit."

"I'd still smash you both if I was bored, but Reilly and Jonesy's mums get too jealous. Make yourselves useful, grab me a bag of dill picklers."

"Good luck, you fuckin' losers."

"Hurry up and score a fuckin' goal already, I'm getting the bedtime sillies."

"Fuck you, Reilly, tell your mum to give me a time-out. The last time I tried that, she threatened to take a header on me into an empty pool at the Quality Suites."

"Fuck you, Jonesy, tell your mum to leave me alone, she's been laying in my fuckin' water bed since Labor Day."

"Fuck you all, your lives are so sad, I get a charity tax break just for hanging out with you. Nice sweep, no sweep, give your balls a tug."

"Fuck, you could cut the sexual tension over there with a knife. Give your balls a tug, tit-fucker."

"Fuck you, Reilly, go scoop it off your mom's bedroom floor for me. She gives my nipples butterfly kisses."

"Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom shot cum straight across the room and killed my Siamese Fighting Fish. Threw off the pH levels in my aquarium, you piece of shit."

"Fuck you, Reilly, should have heard your mom last night, she sounded like a window closing on a Tonkinese cat's tail. Sounded like, 'Ah ...'"

"Fuck you, Jonesy, should have heard your mom last night, she sounded like my Great Aunt when I pull a surprise visit. Sounded like, 'Oh ...'"

"Fuck you, Reilly, your mom sneaky gushed so hard, she bucked me off the waterbed last night. Don't tell her I was thinking about Jonesy's mom the whole time!"

"Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom ugly cried 'cause she left the lens cap on the camcorder last night. It's fuckin' amateur hour over there."

"Wheover did that, that's fuckin' Timbits hockey. That's Saturday Morning tyke skills camp."

"Hey, nice butt. Let's get some fuckin' bubble tea!"

"Ariana Grande looks like she's eight, tit-fucker. I'm giving the pre-school your plate numbers."

"And Gretz's daughter's a married woman, your classless piece of shit. She wouldn't fuck you if you had Mario's dangles and Messier's dick."

"If Terry Fox ran 143 days he smashed 143 broads and that's probably fuckin' light."

"He'd be boatin' with Kylie Minogue. Let's get some fuckin' gyozas."

"Will you two just man up and make out? I started an office pool for it and the day I picked was tomorrow. Get tuggin', tit-fuckers."

"Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom pulled the goalie on me and now she's preggo. Surprise, son. Go rake the fuckin' yard."

"Fuck you, Reilly, I slipped one past your mom, too. Her preggo farts smell like hot dog water."

"Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom's in her first trimester and already bitching about baby brain. Hard to tell her she's been dumber than Reilly's mom since the genesis."

"Fuck you, Reilly, I talked your mom into a three-way with our midwife and she gassed us both out of the room. I'm fucking humiliated."

"Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom wants to name the baby after the place it was conceived. Can't wait to meet Martha's Vineyard Shore."

"Fuck you, Reilly, your mom wants the same thing. How do I shorten down 'Handicapped Bathroom at Cheesecake Factory in Boca Raton'?"

"Nice fuckin' bird cage. At the end of the day, what are you really protecting?"

"Great day for competitive men's hockey, eh. What's women's hockey like? Same thing, less competitive or what?"

"First puck of the campaign, boys. Fuckin' get involved!"

"Hey, you look like that braod from The Hunger Games. I'm gonna call you Cuteness Everdeen. You like edamame?"

"Short shifts, Cuteness."

"You skate like a fuckin' girl, birdcage."

"No you're not. Are you really? Holy fuck."

"Hey, what's your favorite kind of pizza, cuteness? Mine's pizza ass. Short shifts ..."

"Good shift, cuteness. Oh! We should change our Facebook status to 'It's complicated.'"

"Give your fucking balls a tug."

"Tit fucker."

"I would smash Susan Aglukark fuckin' yesterday."

"34, what's one plus one, you big dumb fuck?"

"Spell 'puck', you dumb fucking asshole."

"We fucking going?"

"You fucking chicken shit."

"Nice work. Celly fuckin' harder. You're the pride of your community."

"Are you even fucking trying? You can try, eh. You can try."

"Hey, you're hammered them, eh? Holy fuck, we could light you're fuckin' breath on fire."

"Fight him, fight him. Give him one. Give him one. Give it to him. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? Huh? What are you gonna fucking do?"

"See, that's the worst player on our team. You got one fucking job. You're fucking awful."

"Holy fuck."

"You fucking suck. You're so fucking bad! You're fucking terrible."

"Hey Scholtzy, when's your day with the cup? You taking it to a fuckin' powwow, or what?"

"You're a first place club beating a team that's been together a week. "

"Hey, hey, can I grab your address? A little note in the mail to remind you of how fuckin' useless you are."

"Can I grab your email? Oh, I'll just get it from your mom."

"Wait ... are you goin' him? Are you going him or are you going me?"

"It's meal time. You ever thought about, just like, maybe skippin' a fuckin' meal or two, or ...?"

"Someone stole my breakfast sando, looks like it was you."

"Can you even fuckin' crossover, you big, fat fuck?"

"Fuck you, Jonesy."

"Northwest terribles."

"You're making a fool of yourself, you fucking labradoodle."

"Jonesy, you are such a fucking puggle."

"Where is Bobby Margarita?"

"Hey, you wanna talk about teamwork, Jonesy? I took your mom to Medieval Times and me and the Green Knight took her down after at Best Western."

"Fuck you, Reilly, I took your mom the next weekend. Me and the Blue Knight showed her a real sword fight."

"Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom got us banned from Canada's Wonderland for trying to give me a tug on Top Gun."

"Fuck you, Reilly, took your mom the weekend before and she asked me to diddle her on Drop Tower."

"Hey, smile for the camera you fucking loser."

"Hey, this one's a video, you piece of shit."

"Do you fire up some of that Jamaican Broccoli between periods or what?"

"Throw on some fucking Bob Marley, get pumped up?"

"Hey, you wanna blaze?"

"Hey, you wanna blaze one?"

"Go bottle toke some bubble hash, ya fucking loser."

"Thirty-two, hook me up with a quarter pound?"

"Hey, hook me up with a QP?"

"Wanna hit some resin tokes?"

"How 'bout some of that Pakalolo Dank?"

"Edibles, edibles, edibles. Edibles, edibles, edibles."

"Hey, who's got a Reggae Cigarette?"

"Hey, let's smoke a jazzy."

"Hey, wanna smoke a bowl?"

"Hey, smoke a blunt?"

"Pass the Dutchy."

"I got a couple pre-rolls in my pants. Let's party!"

"Two of my top five all-time bloweys came from Newfie broads, but if I have to listen to you two separatist sympathizers for one more second, I'll shoot myself in the face."

"You bet I wheeled Natalie Spooner in 2010."

"Fuckin' throw on some smoked meat, Frankie, I'm gonna be in your kitchen all night."

"Frankie, get the mozza burger out of your mouth, you fuckin' fatso."

"Go have another Big Mac, you fuckin' hippo."

"Holy fuck, Frankie, you look like you love a good slice."

"Did you get axed from the show and just start hammering slices or what?"

"If the Cup was a slice, you think you'd work a little harder, you fuckin' pizza face?"

"Hey, go eat some fondue, you fuckin' manatee!"

"And have another Baconator, you fuckin' walrus!"

"Fuck you!"

"I'll send you stuffed crust to the emergency room, you fat fuckin' pig."

"Give your balls a tug."

"Your sweeties hopped into my truck like a couple homeless derelicts jumping a train. I'm supposed to be honey-dicking your moms right now, you fuckin' losers."

"A broad-ski I used to wheel in Junior works there now. She told me your tests came back white as snow, so I gave her my DNA."

"No, I fucked her."

"A Native I'm wheeling spit in your cups."

"They don't ask how, they ask how many."

"Where's your purse? You sound like a fuckin' broad."

"Fuck you, Reilly, tell your mom to trim her toenails, she carves up my thighs when she gets bucking."

"Fuck you, Jonesy, tell your mom to trim her fingernails, Reilly's mom's getting suspicious about my war wounds."

"Fuck you, Reilly, your mom asked me to pull her hair and then hit me up for a hundo when her extensions came out."

"Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom asked me to choke her and seriously, not even that could shut her up."

"Fuck you, Reilly, your mom wanted 11th hour anal and lied when I asked if the chamber was empty. It's one step forward, two steps back in this relationship. I'm fuckin' sick of it."

"Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom says she's tense with anxiety. Can you talk to her for me? She's gripping my weiner way too hard."

"Fuck you, Reilly, I walked in on your mom watchin' porn and she tried to cover it up worse than she tried to cover up your old man."

"Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom wanted to watch porn and went straight for BDSM with complete disregard for how triggering that is for anyone who's been ball-gagged in their sleep by Reilly's mom."

"Looks like you answered the Taco Bell, Frankie, one too many times. Why don't you fuckin' save some for the rest of us, you fuckin' garburator?"

"Eh, more like, John-Joke Francois Joke-John fuckin' Jabba the Pizza Hut."

"Fuck you, Frankie. I told them to put a bear trap over by the dumpster to keep you from rummaging around in there. Go back into the bush and eat some berries like you're supposed to."

"You're fuckin' Winnie the Pooh, bud, go put some honey in your tummy."

"Jesus Christ, take Christopher Robin with you, you fucking loser."

"Go back to the fuckin' dessert bar, you fucking Treatza Pizza face."

"Jesus Christ, Frankie, you've eaten 20 boxes of apple fritters since I saw you last. Mix in a cinnamon twist, you fuckin' sumo."

"Hey, what's the matter, Frankie?"

"Hey, no secrets between besties."

"What, did you just remember it's fucking 2 for 1 dip cones at DQ, you fucking hippo?"

"Ah, oui, Frankie, continue comme ca."

"Enjoy that 20 pack of 'chickie nuggles', you fuckin' loser."

"Brought three with you this time eh, you fat fuck?"

"Jesus Christ, Frank, you've eaten so many honey glazed doughnuts, you're starting to fuckin' look like one."

"They should call you Jean-Jacques Francois Jelly-Doughnut."

"Fucking Jean-Jacques Extra Frosting Jacques-Jean."

"JJ Fritter JJ."

"Fuckin' finish chewing your honey cruller before you speak, Frank. You're making a fuckin' fool of yourself."

"Well, I know what's behind ya."

"Let's get some fuckin' sushi maki!"