The Best Letterkenny Quotes, Chirps, Phrases, Lines & Sayings

Letterkenny's characters (hicks, skids and hockey players) are some of the most quotable characters on Television right now. Here are their quotes.

Written by Bodhie Bahd | Updated | 10 min read

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Wayne, Daryl and Squirrely Dan engaging in a quote-filled conversation with others.
Letterkenny Quotes | Photo Credit to TribLIVE.com

Here's a list of all the funny lines and catchphrases from the best show out of Canada, Letterkenny. This list includes a ton of references to Puppers Beer, chorin', the Skids, Shoresy rippin' on Reilly & Jonesy, and The McMurray's along with a ton of extra sayings.

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Letterkenny Characters

Betty-Anne and Mary-Anne, two trash talking female hockey players in Letterkenny
Betty-Anne and Mary-Anne

Betty-Anne Quotes

  • Betty-Anne: It's completely inappropriate. Mary-Anne over there is not a girl. When's the last time you saw a girl's tits sag so low, she could tuck 'em into her joggers?
  • Betty-Anne: Your mitt looks like Babe Ruth's ball glove from the dirty '30s, if 20 more dudes spat chewing tobacco in it.

Boomtown Quotes

  • Boomtown: Keeping the big picture in mind, and despite all your honest opinions, which I do appreciate, you could have called my penis "the big picture." That would have been a thrill.
Coach from Letterkenny
Coach

Coach Quotes

  • Coach: I have never been less embarrassed in all my life. They are fuckin' embarrassing!
  • Coach: I'm used to you two embarrassing me. I go to bed at night, fucking embarrassing. I get up in the morning, fucking embarrassing. The only time you two have ever humiliated me is when you started spelling. Now, please tell me you put in the work this year.
  • Coach: They're just pheasants with better marketing.
Squirrely Dan from Letterkenny
Squirrely Dan

Squirrely Dan Quotes

  • Dan: And you know what else? None of youse knows where to put the S's in your goddamn sentences. So why don't you go get tricked by a Just For Laughs gags before you have to hold a referendum to separate my foot from your ass!
  • Dan: Jivin Pete says his new gal looks like a young Shania Twain, but you just don't have the timbits to tell him that she looks more like Post Malones fucked Dion Phaneufs
  • Dan: Katy was watching Squirty Dancing just yesterday. Okay, that's a lie; I was watching Squirty Dancing. It's a great movie.
  • Dan: Lions is lucky Canada Gooses don't migrate to Africa. Then they'd be's extinct.
  • Dan: Quick as a kitten queef.
  • Dan: Uncle-llegedly
  • Dan: Ya guys knows if Gail's makin' pickled eggs or pickled sausages? Bear in mind there is no wrong answer to this question.
  • Dan: You know, craft beers doesn't really bother me. But it's the clever wordplay that goes into the naming of it that I finds hard to swallow, like "So Hoppy Together" or "Barley Breathing." Now why don't you just calls it what it is: it's fuckin' beer?
  • Dan: You'd trust somebody who wears sunglasses at night?
Daryl from Letterkenny
Daryl

Daryl Quotes

  • Daryl: From your lips to God's nips, Bradley.
  • Daryl: How would you batch in space?
  • Daryl: Woolwich Taffy Cone Harvest I.P.A. from Wellesley, Ontario. Boastful, yet reserved. Opinionated. Selective. Elmira maple syrup, Skinner Farms smoked bacon. [sips] Hmm, tastes like a tragedy occurred while making breakfast.
Gae from Letterkenny
Gae

Gae Quotes

  • Gae: GHB is the best party drug when used properly.… It's like the chattiness of good blow with the euphoric high of good M.… And half the comedown.… And you keep your appetite.… You kind of just flail.
Gail from Letterkenny
Gail

Gail Quotes

  • Gail: Geri-care fetish ain't nothin' to be ashamed of, Wayne. Young is fun, but old is bold. Face like an old road map, didn't mind those dentures, easy. Wish I could pop mine out like that, for a handful of reasons.
  • Gail: I'd diddle my Skittle… Till she spittles.… I'd flick my bean like a rousing game of Crokinole for sexy results.… I mean it. You haven't seen a climax like this since Karate Kid crane kick.… I've wet more skin than a public pool. I've reached more peaks than a Sherpa!
  • Gail: You wanna do 68? You'll go down on me and I'll owe you one.
  • Glen: Ginny? The Ginger and Boots effed a dead ostrich. Of course I know what the male ones are called—check my browser history!
  • Glen: Well, there was supposed to be an intermezzo, but Mylo keeps forcing his falsetto and not accepting the fact that he is a castrato, and Levi thinks this is madrigals and will not allow me my obligato, and then there's Finn. This is not fucking Glee!

Hard Right Jay Quotes

  • Hard Right Jay: Hockey, eh? Fastest sport on Earth. And the whitest too, arguably, so bonus points there.
  • Hard Right Jay: Oh. All right, would a Nazi get turned on by interracial gangbang porn?
  • Hard Right Jay: Would a Nazi have a Jew for a lawyer?
  • Hard Right Jay: Would a Nazi own a game-worn Tim Duncan jersey?

Jimmy Dickens Quotes

  • Jim Dickens: all this time talkin’ could be spent spellin’. It’s not called a spellin’ talk, it’s called a spellin’ bee. And we are here to Bee… spellers.
  • Jim Dickens: Wayne, 100% bullshit 'round here. (auctioneering) Got a bidder now, one. Lookin' at two. Two, and now at lookin' at three. Three hundred now, can I get a four? Four there now, sold. Four hundred percent bullshit 'round here.

Jonesy Quotes

  • Jonesy: A-B-C. Always Be Lifting.
  • Jonesy: I'm Jean Bons Jonesi

Katy Quotes

  • Katy: It's a bad look if I'm not smokin' hot. At least I'm smokin' pot.
  • Katy: There's no way Glen smokes the sublime ragtime.
  • Katy: What's the matter, boys? Not enough wood to make the furniture?

Mary-Anne Quotes

  • Mary-Anne: If Terry Fox was alive he'd be smashing J Law and J Lo on ScarJo's boat.
  • Mary-Anne: We're just taking a break from cooking and cleaning to win back-to-back-to-back 'ships, asshole.
  • Mary-Anne: You're right, Betty-Anne. To call us girls is wildly inappropriate. Look at you. When's the last time you saw a girl with enough pubic hair to lose her keys in? Along with the buoyant Canadian Tire key chain?
  • Mary-Anne: Your mitt's actually a work of art, Betty-Anne. Like Salvador Dali's melting clocks, but instead of melting clocks, it's melting salad bowls of off-pink ice-cream.

McMurray Quotes

  • McMurray: I do like a good crotchword puzzle too, Wayne, if you've got any of those.
  • McMurray: Now this particular tasty was of the Australian variety.

Noah Dyck Quotes

  • Noah Dyck: Our daughters, Charity… and her sister Chastity… are on their gap year, once.

Reilly Quotes

  • Reilly: Fuck, Lemony Snicket, what a series of unfortunate events you fuckin' been through, you ugly fuck.
  • Reilly: I'm Jean C. Reilly

Roald Quotes

  • Roald: Dad? Yup, still a homo. But you're the one who named me after the author of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!
Shoresy from Letterkenny
Shoresy

Shoresy Quotes

Perhaps the funniest character on the show, Shoresy has some of the best chirps in the game.

  • Shoresy: And Gretz's daughter's a married woman, you classless piece of shit. She wouldn't fuck you if you had Mario's dangles and Messier's dick.
  • Shoresy: Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom ugly-cried 'cause she left the lens cap on the camcorder last night. It's fuckin' amateur hour over there.
  • Shoresy: Fuck you, Jonesy. Tell your mom I drained the bank account she set up for me. Top it up so I can get some fuckin' KFC.
  • Shoresy: I made your mum cum so hard they made a Canadian Heritage Minute out of it and Don McKellar played my dick.
  • Shoresy: I made your mum so wet, Trudeau deployed a 24-hour infantry unit to stack sandbags around my bed.
  • Shoresy: Fuck you, Reilly, tell your mum to give me a time-out. The last time I tried that, she threatened to take a header on me into an empty pool at the Quality Suites.
  • Shoresy: Fuck you, Jonesy, tell your mum to leave me alone, she's been laying in my fuckin' water bed since Labor Day.
  • Shoresy: Fuck you all, your lives are so sad, I get a charity tax break just for hanging out with you. Nice sweep, no sweep, give your balls a tug.
  • Shoresy: Fuck, you could cut the sexual tension over there with a knife. Give your balls a tug, tit-fucker.
  • Shoresy: Fuck you, Reilly, go scoop it off your mom's bedroom floor for me. She gives my nipples butterfly kisses.
  • Shoresy: Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom shot cum straight across the room and killed my Siamese Fighting Fish. Threw off the pH levels in my aquarium, you piece of shit.
  • Shoresy: Fuck you, Reilly, should have heard your mom last night, she sounded like a window closing on a Tonkinese cat's tail. Sounded like, 'Ah ...'
  • Shoresy: Fuck you, Jonesy, should have heard your mom last night, she sounded like my Great Aunt when I pull a surprise visit. Sounded like, 'Oh ...'
  • Shoresy: Fuck you, Reilly, your mom sneaky gushed so hard, she bucked me off the waterbed last night. Don't tell her I was thinking about Jonesy's mom the whole time!
  • Shoresy: Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom ugly cried 'cause she left the lens cap on the camcorder last night. It's fuckin' amateur hour over there.
  • Shoresy: Wheover did that, that's fuckin' Timbits hockey. That's Saturday Morning tyke skills camp.
  • Shoresy: Hey, nice butt. Let's get some fuckin' bubble tea!
  • Shoresy: Ariana Grande looks like she's eight, tit-fucker. I'm giving the pre-school your plate numbers.
  • Shoresy: And Gretz's daughter's a married woman, your classless piece of shit. She wouldn't fuck you if you had Mario's dangles and Messier's dick.
  • Shoresy: If Terry Fox ran 143 days he smashed 143 broads and that's probably fuckin' light.
  • Shoresy: He'd be boatin' with Kylie Minogue. Let's get some fuckin' gyozas.
  • Shoresy: Will you two just man up and make out? I started an office pool for it and the day I picked was tomorrow. Get tuggin', tit-fuckers.
  • Shoresy: Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom pulled the goalie on me and now she's preggo. Surprise, son. Go rake the fuckin' yard.
  • Shoresy: Fuck you, Reilly, I slipped one past your mom, too. Her preggo farts smell like hot dog water.
  • Shoresy: Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom's in her first trimester and already bitching about baby brain. Hard to tell her she's been dumber than Reilly's mom since the genesis.
  • Shoresy: Fuck you, Reilly, I talked your mom into a three-way with our midwife and she gassed us both out of the room. I'm fucking humiliated.
  • Shoresy: Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom wants to name the baby after the place it was conceived. Can't wait to meet Martha's Vineyard Shore.
  • Shoresy: Fuck you, Reilly, your mom wants the same thing. How do I shorten down 'Handicapped Bathroom at Cheesecake Factory in Boca Raton'?
  • Shoresy: Nice fuckin' bird cage. At the end of the day, what are you really protecting?
  • Shoresy: Great day for competitive men's hockey, eh. What's women's hockey like? Same thing, less competitive or what?
  • Shoresy: First puck of the campaign, boys. Fuckin' get involved!
  • Shoresy: Hey, you look like that braod from The Hunger Games. I'm gonna call you Cuteness Everdeen. You like edamame?
  • Shoresy: Short shifts, Cuteness.
  • Shoresy: You skate like a fuckin' girl, birdcage.
  • Shoresy: No you're not. Are you really? Holy fuck.
  • Shoresy: Hey, what's your favorite kind of pizza, cuteness? Mine's pizza ass. Short shifts ...
  • Shoresy: Good shift, cuteness. Oh! We should change our Facebook status to 'It's complicated.'
  • Shoresy: Give your fucking balls a tug.
  • Shoresy: Tit fucker.
  • Shoresy: I would smash Susan Aglukark fuckin' yesterday.
  • Shoresy: 34, what's one plus one, you big dumb fuck?
  • Shoresy: Spell 'puck', you dumb fucking asshole.
  • Shoresy: We fucking going?
  • Shoresy: You fucking chicken shit.
  • Shoresy: Nice work. Celly fuckin' harder. You're the pride of your community.
  • Shoresy: Are you even fucking trying? You can try, eh. You can try.
  • Shoresy: Hey, you're hammered them, eh? Holy fuck, we could light you're fuckin' breath on fire.
  • Shoresy: Fight him, fight him. Give him one. Give him one. Give it to him. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? Huh? What are you gonna fucking do?
  • Shoresy: See, that's the worst player on our team. You got one fucking job. You're fucking awful.
  • Shoresy: Holy fuck.
  • Shoresy: You fucking suck. You're so fucking bad! You're fucking terrible.
  • Shoresy: Hey Scholtzy, when's your day with the cup? You taking it to a fuckin' powwow, or what?
  • Shoresy: You're a first place club beating a team that's been together a week.
  • Shoresy: Hey, hey, can I grab your address? A little note in the mail to remind you of how fuckin' useless you are.
  • Shoresy: Can I grab your email? Oh, I'll just get it from your mom.
  • Shoresy: Wait ... are you goin' him? Are you going him or are you going me?
  • Shoresy: It's meal time. You ever thought about, just like, maybe skippin' a fuckin' meal or two, or ...?
  • Shoresy: Someone stole my breakfast sando, looks like it was you.
  • Shoresy: Can you even fuckin' crossover, you big, fat fuck?

Stewart Quotes

  • Stewart: Bay Brothers. Egotistical ego testicles.
  • Stewart: Of all the boogies, the Boot-Scootin' is the last one I would and will ever torture myself or others with.

Tanis Quotes

  • Tanis: I bet, the second you popped out, your mom wished she had a sewn up snapper. Probably would've been better if you grew to a sickly size inside the womb and killed the both of you before you fuckin' rolled out and started fucking up.
  • Tanis: If you're into nerdy girls, I can show you my spine label, you can show me your hard cover.
  • Tanis: One-inch thick wagyu, New York. Heavily salt and peppered. Grill at 400. Four minutes total. Flip once a minute for those good grill marks. Let sit for two minutes and then down the hatch.
  • Tanis: Well, men shouldn't shackle women. We made Prohibition happen. Watch your step.

Wayne Quotes

  • Wayne: A gal at the bar said she liked how your pants fit but she said it in a baby voice and really she can do that on her own time.
  • Wayne: A smoke and a beer go together like a piss and a fart.
  • Wayne: And I suggest you let that one marinate.
  • Wayne: As sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fighting dudes with treasure trails.
  • Wayne: Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?
  • Wayne: Every woman knows that the way to a man’s heart is not through his zipper, it’s through his stomach.
  • Wayne: Get off the cross, we need the wood.
  • Wayne: Here’s a poem. Starlight, star bright, why the [expletive] you got earrings on?
  • Wayne: I'll spell with you any day of the week and I suggest you let that one marinate.
  • Wayne: I'd say give your [expletive] a tug, but it looks like your pants are doing that for you.
  • Wayne: If I’m an ant I’m operating the seadoo with my antennae.
  • Wayne: If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Goose, then you have a problem with me.
  • Wayne: In the words of the genre-bending Canadian indie rock band Arcade Fire, ‘wake up.’
  • Wayne: It’s always ok to fart when you’re alone. Accept when you’re in elevators. That’s uncouth.
  • Wayne: It’s like algebra… why you gotta put numbers and letters together? Why can’t you just go [expletive] yourself?
  • Wayne: Let’s go easy over there, Squirrelly Dan.
  • Wayne: Not my pig, not my farm.
  • Wayne: Oh, come on, kitten. I won’t tell anyone.
  • Wayne: Oh, I got so much time for sushi.
  • Wayne: People should only get hammered together, so that you never have to see how obnoxious your friends actually are.
  • Wayne: Pitter patter, let's get at 'er.
  • Wayne: The bottom inch of a beer bottle is 50% spit
  • Wayne: The stupidest thing I ever heard in my life is that a baby is smart.
  • Wayne: There’s happiness calling my name from the bottom of a bottle of Puppers.
  • Wayne: There’s something really pervy about that word ‘taste.’
  • Wayne: Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there.
  • Wayne: Well, she’s a pretty girl. It’s just… uhhh you could let the paint dry a wee bit there, eh?
  • Wayne: Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except kids falling off bikes, maybe.
  • Wayne: Wish you weren't so [expletive] awkward, bud.
  • Wayne: You know not to be impolite but sometimes a gal will do some kissing on the ears. Which makes me uncomfortable because even though I clean my ears, sometimes a tater will just roll out of there unexpected.
  • Wayne: You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl.
  • Wayne: You lose a lot of heat in the neck.
  • Wayne: You stopped toe curlin’ in the hot tub ‘cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends.
  • Wayne: You trying to sneak a sunrise past a rooster, Tanis?
  • Wayne: You wish there was a pied piper for possums. But there isn’t, so you’re just gonna have to keep picking ‘em off with a .22.
  • Wayne: You're 10-Ply, Bud.
  • Wayne: You’d best be preparin’ for a donnybrook if you think I’m going to that super soft birthday party of yours.
  • Wayne: You’re made of spare parts, aren’t you, bud?
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